Revelation 22

Revelation 22:11

Let the one who does wrong, still do wrong; and the one who is filthy, still be filthy; and let the one who is righteous, still practice righteousness; and the one who is holy, still keep himself holy."

I'm surprised it seems to be commanding that those who are in the wrong should not change.  This book has just finished telling of what will happen at the end of time, and who will be there to see it.  You would think it would end with a command to change if you are going down the wrong path.

Perhaps the implication is that these events will happen without warning, and therefore when the time comes there won't be an opportunity to change.  If that's the case, then the entire book may be seen as the warning for those who would not be in the new heaven if it came now.  You now know everything that will happen, so live your life such that when the time does come, you'll be caught unawares while doing good.



And with that, I've run out of chapters.  I'm not sure what I'll do for my next read-through; maybe work with a study guide of some sort.  That's for tomorrow to decide...

Revelation 21

Revelation 21:3

And I heard a loud voice from the throne; saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them,

Interesting that here God says the tabernacle will be among men, but later in the chapter it says Jerusalem will have no temple.  I'm not sure why one will exist and the other will not.  The tabernacle is a movable place where God manifests, which He won't need to do; a temple is a more permanent structure.  But if the New Jerusalem will be permanent, why would God's place need to be temporary?

Also, note the final phrase, that God will be among them.  Normally when the phrase before happens, the final phrase is some thing like "and He will be their God."  Now, the interface between the people and God doesn't need to exist, and so God does not have need to hide or obscure Himself.

Revelation 20

Revelation 20:5

The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were completed.  This is the first resurrection.

I've always been taught that Christians, dead and living, will be Raptured into heaven before the Tribulation, and then we will return with Christ when He comes back to conquer the beast and establish the Millennial Kingdom.  In the previous chapter, I examined a verse that suggests the Rapture will happen at the end of the Tribulation, not before.  Now this has me wondering about who will return for the Millennium.

In my reading of this, it seems very clear that whoever dies before the Rapture will remain dead, until the end of the Millennium and the time of the Great White Throne Judgment.  That would mean only those are alive to be Raptured will return with Christ for Armageddon, and the previous verse said those who are killed by the beast during the Tribulation will be the only ones who reign with Him.  I've never been fond of the idea that I might still be here for the Rapture, and reading this makes me think even more that what I've been taught about all this doesn't add up when compared to the Scripture.

Revelation 19

Revelation 19:10

Then I fell at his feet to worship him.  But he *said to me, "Do not do that; I am a fellow servant of yours and your brethren who hold the testimony of Jesus; worship God.  For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy."

We often find ourselves giving praise where it is not deserved.  We revere leaders, and geniuses, and entrepreneurs, and relatives, but they are all inadequate beings.  While some may be worthy of our respect, and all are worthy of our love, none are worthy of our worship.

We need to remember this angel, who stops John from worshiping him.  He rightly points John to God, the only one who is worthy.  When we find ourselves giving undue honor to someone, we need to turn to God instead and keep the focus on Him.

Revelation 18

Revelation 18:4

I heard another voice from heaven, saying, "Come out of her, my people, so that you will not participate in her sins and receive of her plagues;"

The common view I've always been taught is that there will be a Rapture of believers, and that it will happen at the beginning of the Tribulation.  I've personally been kind of skeptical on that, for two reasons.  First, there's nothing in the Bible to give a time frame for when it will happen; second, it seems a bit too convenient that we'll be pulled away right before the bad stuff happens, and feels like it's a result of wishful thinking.

I wonder if this verse is hinting at when the real Rapture will occur?  If so, this is at the end of the Tribulation, shortly before Christ's return.  Therefore, believers will have gone through all the terrible things that happen during that time, and we should be prepared for that instead of blindly believing we'll be spared.

Revelation 17

Revelation 17:17

For God has put it in their hearts to execute His purpose by having a common purpose, and by giving their kingdom to the beast, until the words of God will be fulfilled.

This seems like another one of those verses where God is causing people to sin.  It appears that He is directly influencing people to do evil, for the purpose of punishing them and those around them.  This doesn't sit well with me, since it seems to go against what we're taught about God's character.

I have to assume that there's some kind of poetic license being taken here, and that God is not actually stripping people of their free will to make them choose evil.  My best guess is that He's removing any influences He may have put on or around them, so that they are much more likely to choose the wrong thing.  That still makes me uneasy, but it's the option most in-line with what I've been taught about God's character.

Revelation 16

Revelation 16:9

Men were scorched with fierce heat; and they blasphemed the name of God who has the power over these plagues, and they did not repent so as to give Him glory.

The people seem to recognize that these plagues were from God.  They are aware of God, but have turned their backs on Him.  They consider the beast to be more appropriate to worship than God, whether because they think he is more powerful or they simply like his way better.

Moreover, they cursed God for causing the plagues.  They acknowledge He is the creator of them, and implicitly that the beast can't stop them.  But while they seem to know that repenting will end them, they refuse to do so because they don't want to give Him the acknowledgement that would implicitly result.

Revelation 15

Revelation 15:2

And I saw something like a sea of glass mixed with fire, and those who had been victorious over the beast and his image and the number of his name, standing on the sea on glass, holding harps of God.

I wonder what is meant here by having been victorious.  If the book is in chronological order, the east has not yet been defeated, and basically holds undisputed control over the world.  By most standards, he hasn't been defeated at all.

One possibility is that this is somehow out of chronological order, and it's some kind of jump to the future where the beast is defeated.  Another possibility is that this takes place in a narrow time frame between the defeat of the beast, and his being locked in the Abyss.  The third, and I fear correct alternative, is that these are the martyrs who refused to follow the beast or his rules, and were killed for their faith by him and his followers.

Revelation 14

Revelation 14:4

These are the ones who have not been defiled with women, for they have kept themselves chaste.  These are the ones who follow the Lamb wherever He goes.  These have been purchased from among men as first fruits to God and to the Lamb.

This appears to mean that all of the 144,000 saved from among the Jewish tribes will be men.  I'd never realized that before, and it bothers me a little.  I'd never considered that there would be no women among God's witnesses during the Tribulation.

Maybe it's a sign of how current culture has affected me, but I'd always assumed that the 144,000 would have at least a fair number of women who had been faithful to Christ.  Does this mean that in the Tribulation, all women will abandon God?  Or does it just mean that they will be persecuted for following Him, like the men who are not among this number?

Revelation 13

Revelation 13:7

It was also given to him to make war with the saints and to overcome them, and authority over every tribe and people and tongue and nation was given to him.

It will not be a good time on Earth for believers when the beast arrives.  From how I read this, his reign over the world will likely begin with his defeating and killing the two prophets.  This amazing act will apparently so galvanize the population that they will follow him without hesitation.

We've gotten a very small dose of this recently, with our current president and how some people regard him (probably our previous president, too, but with different people).  When some people have a singular goal of what they want, they are willing to accept anything that comes with it as long as they get that desire.  After the previous years disasters, what these people want may well be security, and the idea that one person can give it to them and has the power to overcome any obstacle (such as messengers direct from God) will lead them to accept all the tyranny and suffering of others that will result.

Revelation 12

Revelation 12:17

So the dragon was enraged with the woman, and went off to make war with the rest of her children, who keep the commandments o God and hold to the testimony of Jesus.

This may be one of the most clear statements in the book.  Satan can't get at his true target, so he attacks those he can get at.  I'm not clear on who the woman is supposed to be specifically, since it's generally considered to be Israel but the Jews are not faithful to God anymore.

I also think this is an indication that today's view on the Rapture may be wrong.  If this is in chronology, this war occurs during the second half of the Tribulation.  If the Rapture happened, there should be very few Christians left to make war on, unless perhaps masses were being saved by the testimony of the two witnesses?

Revelation 11

Revelation 11:7

When they have finished their testimony, the beast that comes up out of the abyss will make war with them, and overcome them and kill them.

Most of the dramatizations of the two prophets' death is fairly simple.  The antichrist comes and confronts them directly, and kills them without much resistance.  That fits the general view modern Christians have of what good behavior looks like, offering no physical resistance to enemies.

However, that's not what this passage says will happen.  These two have the ability to kill those who wish them harm, by miraculous means.  When the antichrist comes, it sure looks like this is going to be a battle royale, which will probably not leave Jerusalem unscathed.

Revelation 10

Revelation 10:10

I took the little book out of the angel's hand and ate it, and in my mouth it was sweet as honey; and when I had eaten it, my stomach was made bitter.

I'll admit, the symbolism here is sailing over my head.  First, I'm not sure what the book is supposed to represent.  My only guess is that it's a telling of what's to come, but I don't see why they would tell him to eat it.

I'm similarly baffled by the effect the book has.  I can understand something tasting good but messing with your stomach, but what would do this about a future prophecy?  Is it some kind of signal that what's coming will sound good and we'll cheer its arrival, but when it actually happens we'll realize the consequences of it and be remorseful it had to happen?

Revelation 9

Revelation 9:1

Then the fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star from heaven which had fallen to the earth; and the key of the bottomless pit was given to him.

So, this set off the English alarm that my mother drilled into me in school.  To whom is the ending "him" referring to?  The obvious choice would be the angel blowing the trumpet, but why would one of God's angels, important enough to have this duty, be given control over what seems to be death?

I'm wondering if it's actually a reference to the star.  We call demons fallen angels, or talk about them falling from Heaven to Earth, and that being the highest they can go.  So what if this is a reference to Satan, and he's the one being given some control over death here?

Revelation 8

Revelation 8:10

The third angel sounded, and a great star fell from heaven, burning like a torch, and it fell on a third of the rivers and on the springs of waters.

This one always sounded like a major meteor impact of some sort.  An asteroid falling through the atmosphere would look like a star.  If we think like a sci-fi novelist and imagine an asteroid made of toxic materials, its impact on the earth could pollute water sources.

The one thing I've never been sure of is where it could fall that would affect a third of the rivers and springs?  My first thought would be somewhere like the Yangtze or Ganges in Asia, where the contamination could ruin the water of China or India.  But would even that amount to a third of the waters, unless perhaps it got further through airborne dust thrown up to spread it to multiple basins?

Revelation 7

Revelation 7:10

and they cry out with a loud voice, saying,

"Salvation to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb."

Why are they giving salvation to God and Christ?  They seem to be suggesting that salvation is theirs to give to God, not something that God gives them through Jesus.  If it were praise or glory or adoration, this would make sense; salvation doesn't.

I think I'm getting stuck on an oddity of the translation, but it's the kind of thing that bothers me.  I remember a praise song from when I was growing up, based on this verse.  It says "Salvation belongs to our God...," which makes much more sense to me.  I wonder why the extra word is omitted here.

Revelation 6

Revelation 6:8

I looked, and behold, an ashen horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death; and Hades was following with him.  Authority was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth.

I've wondered how this particular horseman will operate.  He is given a wide area to work in, and a variety of tools to utilize in his work.  Of the four horsemen, I think this one will probably be the hardest to recognize.

Also, I wonder how it will work for his actions as far as location.  Is he given a particular quarter of the earth, like the Southwest quarter-sphere and will decimate the southern half of South America?  Or is it just a quarter overall, scattered about, that he can let his instruments loose in?

Revelation 5

Revelation 5:2

And I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, "Who is worthy to open the book and to break its seals?"

Interesting that the angel is described as strong, isn't it?  Angels are already being of immense, though limited, power.  To us, they are the most powerful beings short of God Himself, and this angel is apparently stronger than most, but he is still unable to break the seals?

However, I realized that he's not asking who is able to break the seals and open the scroll.  Instead, he's asking who is worthy to.  It's another reminder that God does not operate by physical power, but through those who do His will and He makes worthy.  In this case, worthiness was achieved by dying for all of mankind.

Revelation 4

Revelation 4:10

the twenty-four elders will fall down before Him who sits on the throne, and will worship Him who lives forever and ever, and will cast their crowns before the throne, saying,

This is probably where our traditional view of heaven comes from.  The modern thought of heaven among western Christians is that it's all about bowing and worshiping God all the time, for eternity.  As Chip Ingram said in a video series I led recently, it sounds great for worship pastors but to the rest of us seems kind of boring.

What we need to remember is that right before this verse it talks about what causes this to happen.  The elders can't be spending time on their thrones for John to see at first if they're constantly on their faces bowing to Him.  While this worship is certainly due Him, it will not be constant and unending.

Revelation 3

Revelation 3:19

Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent.

I sometimes wonder what's going on with many of us, who seem to be living average lives without much trouble.  If God disciplines those He loves, does that mean that He doesn't love us?  Or does it mean that we're on the right path after all, and therefore don't need discipline?

I have to remind myself that the first term used is to reprove.  He is trying to get our attention, to steer us back onto the right path where we've strayed.  He's trying to give us a nudge back, and we should listen, or He will have to bring the stronger measure of discipline to bear to push us back to Him.

Revelation 2

Revelation 2:10

Do not fear what you are about to suffer.  Behold, the devil is about to cast some of you into prison, so that you will be tested, and you will have tribulation for ten days.  Be faithful until death, and I will give you a crown of life.

Some say that the letters to the churches are actually speaking to the seven phases the church will go through before the end times.  If that's the case, and I don't particularly think it is, I wonder how they interpret this passage.  The prophecy of being cast into prison for ten days before possible execution seems to be rather specific.

I notice that it doesn't say that they will be relieved after the ten days are over.  Instead, it tells them to be faithful until death, suggesting at the end of the ten days of persecution they will be executed.  This should serve as a reminder that even though God is able to save us from all things, it doesn't mean He always does; sometimes our deaths serve a higher purpose in His plan than our continued lives could.

Revelation 1

Revelation 1:20

As for the mystery of the seven stars which you saw in My right hand, and the seven golden lampstands:  the seven stars are the angels of the seven churches, and the seven lampstands are the seven churches.

From memory, I think this may be the only time in the entire book where the symbols used are explained.  Obviously Jesus felt this was important to understand, though I'm not certain why.  With everything else that goes on in this book, why is the meaning of the lampstands and stars around Jesus important to be explained?

I've also always wondered why these seven churches were selected to receive this message.  John surely had a larger influence than merely that small region of the empire; he at least had contacts stretching back to Jerusalem.  Yet, these seven churches alone were granted this glimpse of what was to come, and I wonder why they were so in need of it.

Jude

Jude 24

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy,

I often don't think of God as being able to prevent my stumbling.  I tend to think of Him as able to see the bumps coming, maybe warning me, but if I keep going that direction it's up to me to get past them without falling down.  The idea that God is able to steady me is an odd idea, as it seems to violate my precept of free will.  Or maybe it's an indicator of seeing the bumps and guiding me to avoid them?

I also have to admit that when I think of being in God's presence, joy isn't the feeling that comes to mind.  Instead, I think of fear and guilt, as I know how unworthy I am.  However, the pronouncement of being blameless will change that when the time comes, and I need to remember that far more often.

3 John

3 John 8

Therefore we ought to support such men, so that we may be fellow workers with the truth.

This is one of the first statements to support missionaries in their work.  While we are all commanded to share the gospel in some way (a task I am quite delinquent in), there are some among us that are called to do so "full-time."  Today we call these people missionaries or pastors or preachers.

My parents are part of this calling, though it didn't occur until just before I left home.  And not everyone preaches to unbelievers directly; my parents work for a missions organization that supports locals using radio to reach others.  For those of us who don't have that calling ourselves, we are to help those who do in whatever ways possible, as there are far too many believers who don't.

2 John

2 John 11

for the one who gives him a greeting participates in his evil deeds.

This seems like a very harsh pronouncement, that we are not to even offer basic courtesy to someone.  Normally, believers are to be marked by their hospitality, and we are to love everyone who we are near.  Yet here, even something as simple as a greeting is seen as collaboration with Satan.

I guess the key to remember is that this is not merely a greeting to a random person, but to a subversive.  This is an enemy spy, trying to deceive believers into following false doctrine.  As such, any action could be seen by others as an endorsement, and used to trick people into thinking that they should listen and believe what this liar speaks.

1 John 5

1 John 5:14

This is the confidence which we have before him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.

There are two ways to read this verse, and I think one tends to get more play than the other.  The first is that if we pray with some kind of formula like "may such-and-such, according to Your will, happen," we expect that God will do what we ask.  The problem with this is that it turns God into a vending machine, where we just have to have a coin that says "Your Will" and it'll spit out whatever we want.

The second, and I think correct, way is that we have to be praying in alignment with God and His plans for us.  If we are truly seeking Him, we will want what He wants.  So, even when we want something different, we make it clear that we are bending to His will, not expecting Him to bend to ours.  By repetition and thought, our wills will be reshaped to match His more closely, and we'll find our prayers "being answered" more often.

1 John 4

1 John 4:21

And this commandment we have from Him, that the one who loves God should love his brother also.

Something I've been struggling with for the last couple years is to figure out what love is, and what it looks like in practical terms.  Ideally, it would be the same for and from everyone, but that isn't the case despite our best efforts.  For me, I've come to realize that I don't feel like I'm loved because my "love language" is quality time, which absolutely no one is interested in spending with me.

However, if I'm being honest, as I've come to feel unloved, it's also become a lot harder for me to demonstrate love to others.  I don't feel like I can pour out of an empty pitcher, because there's no one filling my tank up.  I feel like that's a hole God should be able to fill, but my head says that they're different types and therefore one can't really substitute for the other, hence I remain drained.  But am I correct, or just making excuses?

1 John 3

1 John 3:20

in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things.

I try not to use the rest of the chapter in these thoughts, but this part confuses me.  The surrounding verses seem to indicate that we are condemned if our heart condemns us.  Yet here, it says God knows the truth and is greater than our heart.

So, how do I square this apparent contradiction?  Does the heart only condemn those who are not saved, as it is the Spirit trying to open them up and let Him in?  Or is the Spirit supposed to quiet our hearts if He is in, and therefore true believers will not be condemned?

1 John 2

1 John 2:4

The one who says, "I have come to know Him," and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him;

After the previous chapter's verse made me feel a bit better, this one makes me worry again.  I know what His commandments are, I want to want to keep them, but I far-to-often fail to do so.  So, I'm back to the previous question, am I truly saved or am I not?

Everything I've ever been taught says that I am saved, flawed though I may be in my practice.  While there will always be flaws, I find myself fixated on things which are not right, and thoughts turn into actions.  Are these areas that simply need more attention and surrender to God, or are they signs that I am separated and only pretending?

1 John 1

1 John 1:6

If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth;

What is meant by walking in darkness?  I always kind of thought that it meant to still be walking in sin.  However, the later verses in this chapter seem to indicate that sin will always be with us to some extent, so that must not be it.

My best guess is that it means to be false believers, where we claim to be saved when we know we're not, and live like we're not.  In some ways this is a relief to me, as I've always wondered if this was a verse that supports one being able to lose one's salvation.  However, reading it in context indicates that that is not the case, but instead that we will always fight sin but never be conquered by it, if we truly asked Christ to save us.

2 Peter 3

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.

I've written recently about the guilt I feel at having been saved, and how I sometimes wish I could undo it and get the punishment I deserve.  However, I know that while I might prefer this in the short-term, I would completely regret that decision in eternity, just as every unbeliever will.  In my case, God's patience is felt very strongly, as I struggle with this tension.

In addition, this verse tells us the reason that God's waiting:  so more may come to know Him.  When I think about it, this also makes me feel kind of guilty, as I can't say I'm directly doing anything that aids this effort.  I have no nonbelieving friends, I don't talk about my personal life at work, and I spent all my time at home alone; not much opportunity for evangelism in that mix.

2 Peter 2

2 Peter 2:21

For it would be better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than having known it, to turn away from the holy commandment handed on to them.

I wonder, does this describe me?  I came to know the commandments as a child, taught what was right and wrong and why.  Yet the older I've gotten, the harder it is for me to hold to them, and I find myself getting further and further away from the childlike faith I once had.

However, I have to think there's still hope.  I haven't completely turned away, or renounced my faith.  I still want to move closer to God, but the pull of those temptations keeps growing stronger.

2 Peter 1

2 Peter 1:9

For he who lacks these qualities is blind or shortsighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins.

Remembering my purification is a daily struggle for me.  I have a strong sense of inadequacy about my failings, in part because I was saved at such a young age.  I never felt the weight of my sins being lifted from me, because I had only the barest awareness of those sins to begin with.

Perhaps as a result of this, I feel like I've cheated my due punishment, not that I've been saved from it.  I will never face the consequences of what I've done, and therefore have a lot of trouble turning away from these sins now.  All I remember is the resentment I feel towards myself, for having something I don't deserve, and I know this is stunting my spiritual growth.

1 Peter 5

1 Peter 5:5

You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God gives grace to the humble.

What does it really mean to be subject to your elders?  Does it mean you always follow unblinkingly, even when you think they're wrong?  I wish this were just a theoretical question, but given I feel my church's leadership has messed some things up so badly that I'm probably leaving, it's a far too real question for my liking.

At the same time, I have to keep this part about humility in mind.  I have questioned for years whether I'm right, or my ego and pride are pushing me in this direction.  So where does Biblical humility and subjection end, and the God's guiding me elsewhere because of error begin?

1 Peter 4

1 Peter 4:9

Be hospitable to one another without complaint.

I struggle with this a lot, though I try to keep the complaint internal.  I know a couple of people who are frequently asking me for help, either with rides to places and/or extra money.  I don't like doing this.  One feels lazy, as he's gone long stints without having a job and would come to me for money or rides to the other person's place to socialize.  The other is medically disabled, but not responsible with her money, and it feels like she sees me as her bailout (which makes me an excuse to not get responsible).

However, the guy is now dying of cancer; he might have a year left.  After he's gone, I expect the lady will turn to me even more, as I think he's her current primary support person and friend.  I know that I should help her however I can, but she really gets on my nerves, and I feel like I'm already her crutch, and likely to become her wheelchair after he's gone.  But I also know I have a moral/Biblical responsibility to do what I can for her.  But I still hate it, and that puts me in a gut-twisting quandry.

1 Peter 3

1 Peter 3:17

For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.

Like most people, I don't like to think about suffering.  However, I find myself turning to that word more and more frequently in recent months, as I look at the situation of my church.  In my case the suffering has been emotional, rather than the physical implied here, but it still feels like a type of suffering.

The contract is that my suffering is at least partially self-inflicted, due to wrong choices I've made and continue to make.  I can see the cycle and how it's spiraling, but I don't see a good way out.  The only way, from everything I've read, to ease the suffering requires having at least one person I trust enough to open up to, and I don't feel like there's anyone who'd freely do that without feeling pressured.

1 Peter 2

1 Peter 2:2

like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation.

This analogy of milk is used several times, by different writers.  However, I'm not certain if they're all using it the same way.  Here, Peter seems to be saying that the Gospel is like milk, and that it is all that is needed for serious growth.

However, Paul and the author of Hebrews seem to be saying that milk is only the start, and that solid food must follow for true development.  This is a touchy subject for me right now due to some things going on at my church.  The pastor has made it clear recently that he's not going much beyond the raw gospel, but how he says it feels like he's going to be staying at that milk level forever, and I think that attitude is going to stunt the long-term growth of the congregation.

1 Peter 1

1 Peter 1:14

As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance,

This is my daily struggle.  There are many ways of the flesh which I am drawn to constantly, things I want badly but do not have.  Many are actually good things, things most people should have, but I have been blocked from, at least partially due to my own choices and actions.

It says here that those desires come from ignorance, but that doesn't make them any less powerful.  I'm intellectually aware that I am pursuing things the wrong way, but emotionally the void in me is so strong that something needs to fill it.  I know the proper, Christian answer is that Christ is supposed to fill those voids, but I can't for the life of me figure out how that's supposed to happen.

James 5

James 5:16

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.  The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

I'm not very good at confessing my sins.  Part of that is probably guilt, and not wanting others to know how I mess up.  But at least a small part of it is that I don't feel like there's anyone who wants to hear it from me, let alone pray for me.

I'll admit, I get skeptical about the idea that sins that haven't been prayed for are a frequent cause of illness.  That sounds too much like pre-Christ teachings, like the man who was born blind that He corrected their false assumptions on.  However, I do like the idea of a righteous man's prayers helping, even if I don't consider myself particularly righteous.

James 4

James 4:9

Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom.

This verse feels kind of misplaced in the passage.  The surrounding verses talk about being humble and purifying heart.  It seems like a large leap from humility to being miserable.

I'm speculating here, but I think what we're supposed to be mourning what we did in our past lives.  We were happy and carefree, before we knew the truth.  Once we understand how wrong we were, we should mourn our bad choices and turn away from them.

If only it were always that simple...

James 3

James 3:6

And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell.

Today, the tongue isn't the only way our expression can damage ourselves and others.  For many, their primary method of communication is through their fingers.  Texting, posting, commenting, replying -- all are easy to do without much thought, and can cause great hurt to others.

I got a painful lesson in this recently.  I commented on a friend's post, something I thought was a (dry) humoring response.  She didn't see it that way, and looking back I can understand why.  But in confronting me about it, she exaggerating things a lot herself, and it's caused me to withdraw from her.  But I don't feel like I can express my hurt, because it'll seem like escalation or that it will hurt her in turn, and I don't want that.

James 2

James 2:8

If, however, you are fulfilling the royal law according to the Scriptures, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing well.

Right before going over this chapter, I had a minor epiphany.  I was thinking about a relative who's going through some tough times figuring life out, and I was thinking what I would say if she was talking to me about it.  I was thinking that I'd tell her I loved her, and loving her meant I wanted the best for her, even when it might hurt in the short-term.

That thought kinda stopped me dead, because I realized that if that's my definition of love, then I don't love myself very much.  I realized I don't want what's best for me.  For a long time, I've looked at myself and tried to picture what I want my future to be like; but then I considered what it would take to get to that future and shrugged it off as being too hard, the cost-benefit analysis came out negative.  So, if I don't want what's best for me if it involves work and risk, do I really want someone else to have what's best for them for the same uncertainty?  Or am I just saying that to make myself feel superior, and unwilling to do the work for myself?

James 1

James 1:7

For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

This kinda describes me to a 'T.'  I have constant doubts about whether God will act in my life.  I believe He can, without question, but I don't expect that He actually will.

I've long held that God doesn't directly, one might say miraculously, intervene in the world nearly as much as many tend to believe.  I don't think that every good thing that happens was divinely pushed by Him to occur, any more than I think every bad thing that happens is spiritual warfare directly produced by Satan's forces.  Over time, I think that lack-of-expectation has probably turned toward cynicism about His caring about me, and that probably helps explain a lot of the problems I have.

Hebrews 13

Hebrews 13:2

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, or by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

I'll admit, I have a lot of trouble with hospitality.  I'm socially awkward at the best of times, and not very good at making conversation.  This is amplified greatly when the people I'm supposed to be interacting with are new to me; I just don't know how to make a connection, and honestly doubt I ever will.

However, it's passages like this that keep pushing me to try.  I'd be just as happy sitting in a room full of people I don't know and keeping a smile pasted on my face while never opening my mouth.  But when it comes to the more tangible aspects of hospitality, maybe those I can help with; it just needs to be somewhere other than my house, because no one comes here!

Hebrews 12

Hebrews 12:15

See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled;

I don't know what exactly is meant by "no one comes short of the grace of God."  Is it that everyone should be gracious like God has been to us, or that no one should fail to do what's necessary to be rewarded His grace?  I'd think it's the former, but given this is talking to the Hebrews the possibility of the latter is still niggling at me.

I wonder, am I bitter?  Is what's happened to me at church become bitterness, or just genuine concern for the direction of the church?  As much as I'd like to say it's only concern, I'm having a lot of trouble keeping my negativity in check when it comes to the church's leadership right now.

Herbrews 11

Hebrews 11:1

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

I don't recall reading this verse in this translation before.  I grew up with the NIV and KJV, which use different words for "assurance" and "conviction."  I think this version makes these more clear.

What this terms "assurance" I grew up knowing as "confidence" or "substance."  With assurance, this shows that it's not something we make up ourselves; it's believing in a promise we were given.  It's God telling us that what's coming is good, and that we have something to look forward to.  The trick is not to replace what God promises with what we want it to be in our own selfish motivations.

Again, "conviction" I knew as "assurance" or more often "evidence."  Rather than assurance of things unseen, which could mean anything, conviction is having the firm confidence in those things.  Evidence is an even worse term, as anyone trying to put this into a court case comes up embarrassingly short (see Lee Strobel's books).  We believe that the unseen God is real, and that He works for His and our ultimate good, even when we don't understand His methods or reasons.

Our faith is that God is good, and that He will bring ultimate good to us through Christ, even when we don't understand everything in between.

Hebrews 10

Hebrews 10:26

For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins,

What falls under "receiving the knowledge?"  Is it only those who hear the Gospel, but do not accept it as their own?  Or does it include those of us who do accept, but willfully sin afterwards?

If it's the former, then there's no way for these people to ever come to Christ, and they are truly lost forever.  But if it's the second, then it sounds like there is a way to actually lose one's salvation.  Or might it be about the ones who appear to be saved but later fall away, showing they never really believed and their pretending gains them nothing?

Hebrews 9

Hebrews 9:26

Otherwise, He would have needed to suffer often since the foundation of the world; but now once at the consummation of the ages He has been manifested to put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself.

This is one of those logic points I've struggled to wrap my head around at times.  Sacrifices are normally a 1:1 conversion:  a life for a life.  But Christ died once, and saved billions.  So how could one perfect person's death have atoned for so many sinners?

I've usually chalked this up to the fact that He was also God, and therefore the infinite God could take the punishment for all of us.  But I've also heard it said (both on conjunction with the previous or apart from it) that it was because He was raised from the dead, that that somehow made up the difference.  But if that were the case, wouldn't Christ have had to die billions of times, to cover the 1:1 ratio?

Hebrews 8

Hebrews 8:6

But now He has obtained a more excellent ministry, by as much as He is also the mediator of a better covenant, which has been enacted on better promises.

Under the old covenant of Abraham's and Moses' times, we had no chance.  There were rules spelled out for us to obey, but they were impossible to truly keep.  As such, while holiness could be understood, it could not be truly obtained; all we could get was a perpetual struggle.

However, Christ replaced this covenant with one that did make it possible for us to be holy.  It is still impossible for us to do, but Christ became the sacrifice to cover sin that could not be achieved otherwise.  As such, the promises He gave will be fulfilled, and we can therefore have hope.

Hebrews 7

Hebrews 7:3

Without father, without mother, without genealogy, having neither beginning of days nor end of life, but made like the Son of God, he remains a priest perpetually.

I have to admit, if this wasn't in the Bible, I'd think the author was off his rocker.  He goes on and on about this one person who gets a couple verses in Genesis, and basically raises him to virtual equality with Christ.  Where did they get this idea from, that isn't in the original passage?

However, since it is in the Bible, I have to wonder what it means.  I've heard some who believe Melchizedek was a per-incarnate appearance of Christ, but he was a king of a city, which would be a much longer appearance than Christ is thought to make anywhere else.  So what was he, besides a God-fearing man who led a town, served as priest to God, and blessed Abraham after a battle?

Hebrews 6

Hebrews 6:18

so that by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us.

I'm not clear on what the hope we're supposed to be taking hold of is.  Is it the promise of eternal life, or of His blessing?  Is it the promise of His guidance, or the ultimate goodness of His plan?

Even if I'm correct in guessing that it's ultimate salvation, I find that the encouragement given is not as strong as the author may want it to be.  I look at the pain I'm in now, the loneliness and isolation, and can't see how this could be part of His plan.  Does that mean I'm so far off the plan that I'm useless, or does it mean that I just can't see the path because of my own myopia?

Hebrews 5

Hebrews 5:7

In the days of His flesh, He offered up both prayers and supplications with loud crying and tears to the One able to save Him from death, and He was heard because of His piety.

I get a little worried at this verse.  It sounds like the author is saying that Jesus was only heard by God because He had been faithful.  In my mind, that leaves a gap between when we cry out as unbelievers asking to be saved, to when we are believers covered by Jesus' blood.  How does that leap occur?

Also, I think it's important to note that it says here that God did hear Jesus' prayers to be saved from death.  However, that doesn't mean He saved Him, at least not directly.  Jesus had to concede to God's will, even when it conflicted with His own; that's the importance of His saying "not My will, but Yours be done."

Hebrews 4

Hebrews 4:16

Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

I've heard this verse since I was a little child, but don't think I've ever really understood it.  I always took it as, "we're saved, so we can go to God any time since we're now his kids."  But given my own stoic relationship with my dad, I've come to understand how flawed my view of God is, even if I still have trouble breaking that image.

We are called to draw near with confidence, because we have been made right by Jesus; that much is true from my childhood understanding.  But I think I replaced confidence with fearful reverence.  I pictured us coming quietly into the vicinity and waiting to be recognized in God's timing; doing more than that would be changing confidence to brashness.  Now, I wonder if I've felt that God was too busy to do much for insignificant me, and therefore I was down on the priority list somewhere that got occasional attention, but was mostly left to his own devices unless it was an emergency.  In that circumstance, there's not much room for mercy or grace; you're probably getting in the way of something important.

Hebrews 3

Hebrews 3:16

For who provoked Him when they had heard?  Indeed, did not all those who came out of Egypt led by Moses?

I've often thought that part of my struggles is because I'm never sure if what I'm hearing in my head is from God, or just my ADD parroting back what the "churchy" answer is.  I've wished so many times for clarity on that.  If only I knew that what I heard was from God, it would make things so much easier.

But the author here reminds us that the Israelites under Moses all heard the voice of God, with no question of its source.  They got the Ten Commandments straight from His mouth, and yet went on to disobey them almost instantly.  I need to remind myself of this, and that even God's voice doesn't mean fallen hearts will obey; it's an excuse that is not true.

Hebrews 2

Hebrews 2:18

For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.

I always have trouble with verses like this.  We are told that Jesus was tempted, but we see very little of it.  We see three temptations back-to-back, but then the rest of the time nothing is said.  It's as if in that one incident He is supposed to have faced all the temptations of the world, and then never before or after again.

I'm sure this isn't correct, but it's hard to picture Christ being tempted in the ways that I am.  We don't see any temptations of Him to not do the work intended for Him prior to the cross, or of having thoughts that could lead to sin.  In some ways, His perfection makes it a lot harder to relate to Him, or feel that He truly does understand what we face.

Hebrews 1

Hebrews 1:2

in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world.

I don't think of Jesus has having been appointed heir by God.  That language feels wrong to me, because in our understanding it supposes that there was another choice to be made; could Jesus and the Spirit have traded places if they wanted to.  It also implies that the Father would one day die, which is incorrect.

I also don't think of the Father having made the world through Jesus.  I'm not sure what that means; did God need Jesus' future corporeal form to create corporeal matter?  Or is Jesus somehow the conduit through which the Father must work, as if they had different abilities?

Philemon

Philemon 18

But if he has wronged you in any way or owes you anything, charge that to my account;

Onesimus was a runaway slave, who had fled to Rome, met Paul, and come to Christ.  He had apparently had a complete turnaround in his attitude as a result of being saved, and become a helper to Paul in his house arrest.  As a result, he was returning to Philemon, his owner, and Paul wrote a letter of appeal to him, including this key line.

Christ took on what we all owed God; in the same way, Paul is taking on what Onesimus owed Philemon.  Paul did not have to do this, but chose to anyways.  We don't even know if Paul had the means to pay whatever was owed, but he took the debt regardless, possibly as a means to show Philemon how much he cared about the slave.

Titus 3

Titus 3:10

Reject a factious man after a first and second warning,

I wonder, am I being factious?  I am considering leaving my church, and while I would do it in as quiet a manner as possible, I'm sure someone's going to find out why.  At that point, I will be bringing dissent to the Church.

I guess the reason I worry about this is that I'm still conflicted on whether to leave.  The pastor gave a couple sermons a few weeks ago that imply one should never leave a church for any reason.  However, I disagree with his reasoning for that conclusion, which is another way I'm worried about causing division to occur.

Titus 2

Titus 2:8

sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.

The last quality on the list for young men has two parts.  First, we are to speak soundly, that is, truthfully and right; or to borrow a phrase from elsewhere, speak the truth in love.  We are to do this so that our speech (and possibly the other qualities listed) cannot be legitimately criticized.

However, that doesn't mean that we won't be criticized anyway; it is our job to ensure that any such criticism is false.  While I may keep my tongue under control, there are other areas which are rife for criticism.  I need to give them to God, except that I still don't quite know what that means.

Titus 1

Titus 1:6

namely, if any man is above reproach, the husband of one wife, having children who believe, not accused of dissipation or rebellion.

I've wrestled with the meaning of this verse for much of my adult life.  To my mind, it means that an elder is to have been married only once, and must have children who are faithful believers.  However, I've encountered many who disagree.

The church I attend holds that it only means that he is faithful to his current wife, not having affairs or polygamous, and the question of children is never raised.  My friend from Mexico once told me that in churches where he lives, as they were being set up, did not have enough older men to meet these qualifications, so they turned to younger men who appeared that they would meet them one day (not yet married, but understood the importance of faithfulness).

I'm not sure that I agree with either of those routes.  It's been a point of disagreement between me and the church leadership for years.

2 Timothy 4

2 Timothy 4:4

and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths.

There are plenty of myths to choose from today.  From atheism to agnosticism to other religions old or new, there are untold other options one can choose to follow instead of Christ.  And even within what would appear to be Christianity, there are many variants or cults or false teachers one might fall under the sway of.

I sometimes wonder if I am making one of these turns, as I struggle with whether to remain in my current church or not.  I feel I have valid reasons to leave, but worry that I'm going off in pursuit of what's good for me, when I'm actually being called to sacrifice and lay down my desires instead.  I expect I'll continue to struggle with this until I make a decision, and probably after that as well; may verses like this keep me checking my motives and seeking God's direction.

2 Timothy 3

2 Timothy 3:5

holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.

Much of the list preceding this verse gets repeated over and over, but this is one that we don't get reminded of much.  Our culture is so saturated with pieces of Christianity, that anyone can learn the language and customs if they want to.  Many are raised this way, but never truly come to know Christ themselves.

These people live their lives going through the motions, but never really believing it.  They may believe God can, but aren't so sure that He does, at least not as often as some claim.  I know this, because I worry frequently that I may be one of these, because I see how different my expression of faith is from those around me, and I know full well how badly I've messed my life up and have nowhere to turn.

2 Timothy 2

2 Timothy 2:16

But avoid worldly and empty chatter, for it will lead to further ungodliness,

I think that this is a reference to things like gossip and rumor-mongering.  I'm not sure if he came up with it, but Dave Ramsey defines gossip any any talk about a problem to someone who can't fix it.  I worry I've done some of this lately, as I discussed my concerns with the church I attend with one of my closest friends; but is there a difference between gossip and seeking another's opinion?

I'll admit, I'd like to take this as a reinforcement of my introversion, and file small talk under "empty chatter."  It would be nice to be able to point to another verse that says my being quiet and not talking about every useless thing to kill time is biblical.  However, honesty compels me to say that this is probably not the intent.

2 Timothy 1

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

Like last time, you hear the first part of that verse a lot, but not the second.  We know about the spirit giving power, but what of love?  We are to love one another as Christ loves us, and it is the Spirit that makes that possible.

We really don't like to think about the Spirit disciplining us.  We like to think about the good things it brings, not how it tries to turn us from the bad.  But the truth is that we all have issues that need to be corrected, myself not nearly the least, and those corrections are often uncomfortable and awkward.

I worry that the lack of love or discipline I feel is a sign of how much I have blocked myself off from the Spirit.

1 Timothy 6

1 Timothy 6:10

For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

Most of the focus goes on the first half of the verse, but I want to focus on the second half.  It doesn't say that people have wandered away from faith because they have money, but because they long for it.  Longing for anything other than God generally leads nowhere good.

In my own case, my longing has probably been for a wife, or at least some friends who I feel really care about me.  I know it means I've been putting my focus in the wrong place, and I certainly have many self-inflicted wounds.  The trouble is I don't know how to turn those desires into a desire for God, and unsure where to look for it.

1 Timothy 5

1 Timothy 5:20

Those who continue in sin, rebuke in the presence of all, so that the rest also will be fearful of sinning.

At first blush, this verse bothers me.  Christianity has spent far too much of its history leading by fear and shame.  It still infects many parts of the faith, and many people.

However, there comes a time when faith and understanding Christ's love haven't been effective, and all that leaves is fear and shame.  Also, I have to remember that it's not directed at the one who sins; he's already in trouble.  The target of the fear is those who have not yet done so, that they may be steered to the correct path before they significantly stray.  Even so, it leaves me uneasy.

1 Timothy 4

1 Timothy 4:6

In pointing out these things to the brethren, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, constantly nourished on the words of the faith and of the sound doctrine which you have been following.

To be a good teacher, you must first study.  Very few people are able to speak about things which they know off the cuff, without preparation before every lesson; that domain lies to the circuit speakers who just give the same speech every time.  When trying to help people change, you can't do that; you have to be learning more so you can teach more.

I remember the first few times I led my lifegroup; I studied constantly for the week before.  I spent most every evening digging into the passage and related works, trying to dig out something new to bring before them.  It was in that phase that I realized I'm not really much of a teacher, because I didn't enjoy the study beforehand.  But even if I stop being a teacher, I still need to study.

1 Timothy 3

1 Timothy 3:10

These men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach.

It's interesting timing; my church is in the middle of a prayer campaign, and this week's prayer focus is for the leadership.  Today's specifically is about deacons, and yesterday was elders.  So I've been thinking about these positions quite a bit over the last few days.

This verse jumped out at me, because I can't recall it ever getting much attention in the qualification list.  I wonder if there was some sort of specific test the deacons were put through, or just that they had been tested by life?  Either way, I'm glad that I've kept myself out of consideration, because I know I would not fare well at the moment.

1 Timothy 2

1 Timothy 2:15

But women will be preserved through the bearing of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with self-restraint.

I'll be honest, I have no idea what this verse is saying.  At face value, it seems to suggest that a woman's spiritual worth is limited solely to her ability to have children.  Because of Eve's having committed the original sin, all women bear that mark and are tainted.

My modern understanding says this is ridiculous, and makes me question the entire passage.  Where does that leave good, faithful women who are unable to bear children, either due to medical reasons or lack of a husband?  Is this inability some kind of stain permitted by God, where they are predestined to never be saved?  I just can't believe that would be the case.

1 Timothy 1

1 Timothy 1:12

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because He considered me faithful, putting me into service,

I often consider myself unworthy of serving, or of being an example for Christ, because of my actions.  I know know that this is incorrect, driven by shame, but that doesn't stop me from feeling that way.  I feel since I know what I should be doing, but too often haven't (and don't), that I am a terrible example for others to be looking to.

It sometimes helps to remember verses like this, and how God will use people who have failed.  Saul was one of the worst persecutors of his day, yet once he saw the truth, he changed completely, and God then used him.  However, at the same time, I know that it was because of his faithfulness after being saved; all my failures have come since I was saved, so am I usable?  If I ever move past these failures, will I even be usable then?

2 Thessalonians 3

2 Thessalonians 3:8

nor did we eat anyone's bread without paying for it, but with labor and hardship we kept working night and day so that we would not be a burden to any of you;

Paul's focus was to not be dependent on others in his ministry.  He worked, and paid his own way, rather than rely on the charity of those he was trying to bring close to Christ.  He didn't want to seem like he was doing this for personal gain or to pay his way.

Paul's actions were concerned on those who might be looking in from outside, as well.  He gave them no ammunition from which to attack his motives.  Also, he showed to those within the church how they should live, not being a burden to others when it could be avoided.

2 Thessalonians 2

2 Thessalonians 2:15

So then, brethren, stand firm and hold to the traditions which you were taught, whether by word of mouth or by letter from us.

In my opinion, this doesn't seem to be talking about traditions like we think of them.  It's not about a style of worship, or a certain way to chant the benediction, or something.  It's not about the style or rituals they go through.

Instead, it's about the doctrine, the traditions of why they do what they do.  It's about how Christ came, and how He died, and why.  It's about the reasons for having faith, and living that faith out, not the particular details of movement or colors or locations.

2 Thessalonians 1

2 Thessalonians 1:6

For after all it is only just for God to repay with affliction those who afflict you,

It would be very easy to mis-read this verse, and think that God is in the process of, or about to, punish those tho were persecuting the church.  However, Paul makes it clear later in the chapter that he's referring to the final judgment, not necessarily to any temporal repayment.  Karma is not a biblical concept, except in the eternal sense for non-believers.

However, the statement Paul makes here is completely correct, regardless of the time involved.  God can justly punish anyone, at any time, for our sins.  That doesn't mean that He does so when we want to, or that those who do us wrong will fail to prosper in this life.  Many evildoers live comfortable, even bountiful, lives, ubt will be held to account in the end.

1 Thessalonians 5

1 Thessalonians 5:18

in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I'll admit, I have a lot of trouble with this.  In the phase of life where I am, it seems I don't have a lot to be thankful for when I stop and take assessment.  A job with lots of routine, few if any friends, and a church I'm looking toward the door on don't feel like things to be thankful about.

But I have to remember to keep looking for things to be thankful about anyhow, because that's what we are commanded to do.  My job is boring, but it is a paycheck and it is useful to the company.  I may be lonely, but I've built what many would consider a pretty nice life for myself nonetheless.  And while I may be preparing to leave my church, there are so many there who love it, and the people there, and are growing in faith when I'm not.

1 Thessalonians 4

1 Thessalonians 4:11

and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commanded you,

I never really adopted a life verse, formally; I thought I had one as a kid, but it turned I was taking it badly out of context so I abandoned it.  But if I had a life verse today, this would probably be it.  It sums up my life patterns pretty well.

However, I sometimes worry that I've taken it a little too far.  My efforts to live a quiet life have made my life virtually silent, with little-to-no impact on the outside world.  And my desire to mind my own business has turned into being a relational hermit, where I never venture outside myself because I don't feel I'm welcome in anyone else's life.  Unfortunately, I now find myself in the position of having no clue how to change the areas I've gone overboard, without compromising who I am; I feel like I've painted myself into a corner.

1 Thessalonians 3

1 Thessalonians 3:5

For this reason, when I could endure it no longer, I also sent to find out about your faith, for fear that the tempter might have tempted you, and our labor would be in vain.

Even Paul worried about his ministry.  He was afraid that he'd not had enough time to ground their faith before being run out of town.  He knew that his success was not guaranteed, and that his work might have been without lasting effect.

I said "without lasting effect" intentionally, because whatever happened, the work would not truly have been in vain.  Maybe no one there would have been saved, but Paul was still doing what he was supposed to do:  preaching salvation through Christ.  I've long said that you can only control how you react to a situation, and not anyone else's reaction; Paul struggled with this as well, and wanted to know if his work was successful.  But whatever the outcome had been, Paul would have been blameless, if he was doing what God had instructed him to do.

1 Thessalonians 2

1 Thessalonians 2:13

For this reason we also constantly thank God that when you received the word of God which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but for what it really is, the word of God, which also performs its work in you who believe.

People hear the word of men all the time, and usually dismiss it just as quickly.  Occasionally some of it sticks, like a good self-help speaker or a scientist or other authority figure who reveals something new.  In those cases, we may integrate it into our lives, and perhaps even use it to change us, but it's a top-down change.

On the other hand, when the gospel is accepted, it begins a bottom-up (or inside-out) transformation, not just a change of attitude or action.  God is changing us from within, as much as we allow Him to.  I worry that I've blocked that process much more than I had thought, and now am wondering how to open myself to it again.

1 Thessalonians 1

1 Thessalonians 1:6

You also became imitators of us and of the Lord, having received the word in much tribulation with the joy of the Holy Spirit,

The Thessalonians appear not to have had the simplest time of things.  There was apparently persecution from the start.  Paul was driven out of town due to the hostility of the local population, but the church endured.

Not only did it endure, but it learned from Paul and those he was able to leave behind.  It understood what was needed, and practiced the teachings they were given.  And even through the persecution they received, the church was joyful, and strove to continue what God was guiding them to do.

Colossians 4

Colossians 4:3

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving;

I've always had trouble with prayer.  I've put it down to my ADD, but I have trouble concentrating on talking to God for any length of time.  My thoughts drift off, and the next thing I know I'm thinking about something completely random.

I've tried, to some extent, several different "techniques" for prayer over time, but have yet to find one that helps me focus well.  Even speaking out loud I run out of words quickly.  Maybe this verse gives me a new direction to point, that I should be alert and speak to Him whenever something comes up, rather than waiting for fixed opportunities.

Colossians 3

Colossians 3:5

Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.

This is one I still struggle with.  There are things I feel are lacking in my life, and due to my choices and/or others are denied me.  But they are things I want, that people should have, and I don't.

So I constantly struggle with the desire to get those things my way, and it easily crosses into the list here.  My very desire for them may constitute idolatry, but it doesn't change the fact that I desire them, and that at their core they are good things.  So the wrestling with this list continues daily, while I try to turn myself to seek in another direction.

Colossians 2

Colossians 2:16

Therefore no one is to act as your judge in regard to food or drink or in respect to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath day--

As in many of the early churches, there was disagreement about whether Jewish (or pagan) practices were part of the requirements for Christian living.  Here Paul makes it clear that none of them are required, and that one is only responsible to one's own conscience and to God.  No person can hold one's own values in judgment over another in such matters.

I draw my lines somewhat stricter than many, so I have at times struggled with this from both sides.  I try not to use my personal preferences or convictions as a sign of superiority over another, though I have failed at times and done so.  Likewise, I've received pushback occasionally from others who feel I draw my lines too tightly, which I try not to hold against them.  In both cases, it's important to remember the difference between commandments from God and personal convictions.

Colossians 1

Colossians 1:7

Just as you learned it from Epaphras, our beloved fellow bond-servant, who is a faithful servant of Christ on our behalf,

I hadn't realized that Paul didn't start this church.  I forget where Colossi is, but apparently it wasn't along Paul's route to this point.  Instead, Epaphras started this church, and now Paul is coming alongside to help strengthen it.

It's interesting how Epaphras is described here.  He's first said to be a fellow bond-servant, then said to be operating on Paul's behalf.  So did Paul send him to Colossi, or simply that he was acting when Paul (for whatever reason) couldn't?

Philippians 4

Philippians 4:9

The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

I didn't even remember that this verse existed.  All the attention gets given to the previous verse, talking about the things we should think on.  But thinking without action is easy, and ultimately futile.

Thoughts have to generate action, or they are wasted energy.  Maybe that action isn't something direct, but merely that the thoughts directed you to change how you do something in a subtle way.  I'm personally very good at thinking a lot and acting little.  But whatever that change may be, it has to occur for there to be growth.

Philippians 3

Philippians 3:12

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.

It's important that we understand we are not yet perfect.  We will be perfect one day, but not in this life.  If we begin to think we're already perfect, we fall into sin and the gift Christ gave us becomes cheap.

Even though we'll never get there, it's important that we strive towards perfection.  We need to be moving forward to become more like Christ, because in that work is our transformation.  We will never in this life become just like Christ, but the more like Him we become, the less our imperfections interfere with His work and message.

Philippians 2

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

This is a verse that has come to mind recently, as I've been considering leaving my church.  I feel ignored and maybe used by them, with no one there who cares about me as long as I fulfill my duties.  So at what point do I need to pay attention to my own needs and look for a more supportive body?

When these thoughts go through my head, this is one of the verses that comes back at me.  I worry that my focus has turned from others to myself, and that leaving would be an act of selfishness.  But someone who always puts others first in that manner will neglect himself in important areas and destroy himself, and then be of no use to anyone; where is the line of healthy balance?

Philippians 1

Philippians 1:18

What then?  Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed; and in this I rejoice.

There was a potential problem at the time.  Paul had been imprisoned, and therefore was unable to preach the Gospel to the masses.  While some who stepped into the gap did it for the right reasons, others did it to spite him, or to enhance themselves.

Many see this today, for example in modern televangelists or prosperity gospel preachers.  While some may lead people astray with incorrect messages, we should be grateful for those who preach correctly, even if they do it for selfish reasons.  Because of these imperfect people, more come to know Christ, and that is the most important thing.

Ephesians 6

Ephesians 6:2

Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise)

Earlier this year, I read a book that brought up the difference that can appear between honor and honesty.  Many people, including myself can choose to be dishonest, or less-than-honest by omission, in order to maintain the appearance of honor.  We fear that if we were truly honest, it would hurt or dishonor them.

The book makes the argument that for this division to appear, there had to have been some event in the past where you decided it was better to lie and let them maintain their belief that everything was okay, when it was not.  I don't know exactly when that happened for me, but I can see that it did.  Given that I'm going to be seeing my parents in a couple days, I've been wrestling with how much honesty to give them, and I don't have a good answer yet.

Ephesians 5

Ephesians 5:17

So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Understanding the will of God is not as simple as is seems.  I mean, the big stuff is easy, the basic "rules" of being a Christian.  But that only covers part of God's will.

What does God specifically want me to be doing?  In what areas am I going the wrong way, or not moving when I should be?  Those are the kinds of questions that make me wrestle with how I'm living my life, and I honestly don't think that all of them are being answered well right now.

Ephesians 4

Ephesians 4:26

Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

This verse is one I have to give some thought to right now.  My company is in the middle of advocating LGBT rights this month, which is an activity strongly condemned by the Bible.  The company claims to respect differing beliefs, but in the next sentence says they're advocating for acceptance.

So, what is the proper response?  Do I keep quiet, and possibly give the impression I at least don't oppose it, or maybe even agree?  Or do I say my peace, let it go, and let the chips fall where they may?

Ephesians 3

Ephesians 3:6

to be specific, that the Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel,

First, we all should thank God for this grace.  He didn't have to make salvation possible for Gentiles.  For that matter, He didn't have to make it possible for Jews, either.  But He chose to do so, and we all must be eternally thankful for that.

Second, this truth Paul learned gave him a distinct purpose from the other apostles whose paths we have hard records of.  Some like Peter may have occasionally ministered to the Gentiles, but Paul is the only one we know of who made it his primary target audience.  Without this, the gospel might have never reached most of those saved since.

Ephesians 2

Ephesians 2:22

in whom you also are being built together into a dwelling of God in the Spirit.

I have a little experience with building, from volunteer projects over the years.  It tends to be a messy process, since what's happening to us is more of a rebuilding, where first the bad stuff has to be cleared away.  This part takes a lot of energy, but is more satisfying; spiritually, it's not nearly as satisfying, as the parts that have to be taken away are removed by force, and it hurts a lot.

However, the real work begins then; once you're down to the foundation, then proper building starts.  That's a very long, drawn-out process, and requires skilled workers to do the job properly.  I'm honestly not sure I've even gotten to this place, as I feel like there is still a lot of rotting wood to demolish in my own life.

Ephesians 1

Ephesians 1:18

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints.

I had to read it twice, but this verse jabbed at me.  For a while now, I've understood that I've lost hope, that I don't see a better future.  I look back at all the mistakes I've made, all the ways my hopes for life have gone unfulfilled, and I just don't see any improvement ahead.

However, verses like this need to remind me that the hope doesn't come from me.  It's not something that I can generate on my own.  It has to come through God's work in and around me, but I have to be open to that work.  And it may still be true that in this life things don't improve; I need to be willing to accept that, and remember that the life beyond is the real goal.

Galatians 6

Galatians 6:5

For each one will bear his own load.

 Normally, I try to avoid bringing other verses into consideration for this writing, but this kind of confuses me.  A couple verses earlier, Paul instructs us to bear one another's burdens.  Then here he says that each will bear their own load.

Is there something in the terms used that distinguishes the two?  Or are the verses in between giving some kind of context, regarding self-examination?  Perhaps there is a change of topic between verses 2 and 3, where 1 & 2 are about restoring and supporting one another, and 4-6 are about being honest with oneself about what you have done and what others (like Jesus?) have done for you.

Galatians 5

Galatians 5:2

Behold I, Paul, say to you that if you receive circumcision, Christ will be of no benefit to you.

There are many Christians today that circumcise their sons, including my parents.  As I understand it, the point is to honor the spiritual kinship to the Jews.  I'm not sure I agree with the idea, but I didn't exactly have a vote when it was done to me.

The reason some of the Galatians were circumcising, as adults, was to obey the Law.  They were seeking salvation through the Law, as some and incorrectly taught them.  But now by going down that path, they were saying that Christ's salvation wasn't enough for them, and something else was required on top of it.  We do the same today, just with different mechanisms.

Galatians 4

Galatians 4:9

But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how is it that you turn back again to the weak and worthless elemental things, to which you desire to be enslaved all over again?

Interesting that Paul clarifies that it isn't that we know God, but that God knows us.  The distinction is subtle and confusing, but important.  If we came to know God, then it's again all about us, and a salvation of works.  But with God coming to know us, once Christ's blood has made us knowable to Him, He is the one doing the work to save us.

At the same time, I definitely can relate to the Galatians here.  I too have backslid in many ways from what I was taught (and know) to be right.  Yet I still turn back to those bad ways, because they're all I know and they (superficially) work.  I see it's not the right way to go, but I don't see any destination in the right way to strive toward; only an arduous journey that's not worth the effort.

Galatians 3

Galatians 3:21

Is the Law then contrary to the promises of God?  May it never be!  For if a law had been given which was able to impart life, then righteousness would indeed have been based on law.

We Christians, like everyone else, like to live by a code.  In our case, that code is spelled out in some detail, though not as much as many of us want.  The Jewish Law, however, is a much more detailed and strict code than we live by.

Even with this strictness, it wasn't enough.  The Law couldn't take away our sins, it merely made them aware of those sins, and pointed to the need for a Savior.  In this, God is being completely consistent, as He always is.

Galatians 2

Galatians 2:2

It was because of a revelation that I went up; and I submitted to them the gospel which I preach among the Gentiles, but I did so in private to those who were of reputation, for fear that I might be running, or had run, in vain.

Paul's timidity here surprises me.  He says, flat out, that he was preaching the message he had received from a revelation.  So why is he so fearful that it might all be in vain?

Two options spring to mind.  First, the revelation was to go seek confirmation, and his preaching the Gospel had been more his own idea, or so he thought.  Second, he feared that even though the Gospel was true, that the Gentiles were barred from truly receiving it, and therefore preaching to them would have been futile.  Fortunately for us, that futility was an empty fear.

Galatians 1

Galatians 1:15

But when God, who had set me apart even from my mother's womb and called me through His grace, was pleased

When we think of those called by God from the womb, we think of Jeremiah, where that verse lies.  Perhaps we think of other prophets that way, like Isaiah or Daniel or Samuel.  Maybe we even consider the great men of the Bible, like Moses and David.

However, how often do we think of the average person being called from the womb?  I know I never think of myself that way, or most of the people I know.  How would our outlook upon life change if we did think of each other that way, each called specifically by God?

2 Corinthians 13

2 Corinthians 13:5

Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves!  Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you--unless indeed you fail the test?

I'll admit, I'm not certain exactly how we're supposed to be testing ourselves.  How do we prove we are or aren't believers, beyond knowing we've accepted Christ?  Is there something beyond that we're supposed to be looking for?

If there is something else, what is it?  It seems to be more than just having done certain things like baptism.  It appears to be something internal; perhaps the faith that we truly have accepted Christ, and aren't just playing at it.

2 Corinthians 12

2 Corinthians 12:7

Because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, for this reason, to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself.

It appears that in this instance, God is using Satan on Paul.  He has willingly allowed a demon, or directly commanded one, to torment Paul.  Why would the demon permit this?

The demon at this point would have to know that it is being used to keep Paul from being able to brag.  Yet wouldn't the demon want Paul to brag, and therefore hurt his ministry?  Why would the demon go along with this, unless either (1) it's a metaphorical demon, or (2) the demon does not have free will to disobey God's directive.

2 Corinthains 11

2 Corinthians 11:15

Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness, whose end will be according to their deeds.

A little while ago, a news item popped up in my feed about the Methodist church and their disagreements on alternate gender and sexual identities.  Their governing body very narrowly voted to maintain Biblical standards, but it was very close, and there are many parts of the church that disagree and have already said they will not comply.

These people have been led astray by Satan and his servants, under the guide of righteousness.  They've allowed their feelings and what they think should be right to override God's instruction.  I'd like to sit with my head held high, but I do the same, just on slightly different issues; I've only recently come to realize how wrong I was, even though I could construct an almost-valid reasoning for it all.  But my reasoning is just excuses, and sin is still sin, no matter what I think.

2 Corinthians 10

2 Corinthians 10:6

and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete.

Most believers know the verse before, about taking every thought captive.  But I read this and my eyebrows rose.  What do they mean, punishing all disobedience?

Is it saying that they will become aggressive against nonbelievers, or against those in the church who sin?  And when does he mean that their obedience is complete?  Is this in reference to some time here on Earth, or is it only once Christ has returned and we return without sin?  If the former, since we'll never be completely obedient, when will it occur?  Or if the latter, who will be we punishing?

This sentence leaves me rather confused.  I'm going to poke open a commentary or two, and see what they think, because I'm not at all sure.

2 Corinthians 9

2 Corinthians 9:7

Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

Sometimes I've felt like this verse was being used as a club, when somebody's cause wasn't being supported enough.  I remember an old comic when I was a kid, where a guy is sitting with a scowl on his face in the pew and this verse is in the background.  In the next frame, he puts a big smile on his face as he drops money in the offering plate, then goes back to scowling in the final frame.

I honestly can't say that I'm a cheerful giver, just a regular one.  I do most of my giving automatically, and impersonally where I can.  While I have chosen to give to the thing I do give to, I can't say that it's cheerfully, but it is the almost always purposefully, not out of obligation or guilt.

2 Corinthians 8

2 Corinthians 8:8

I am not speaking this as a command, but as proving through the earnestness of others the sincerity of your love also.

I tend to get nervous when someone starts talking this way.  I've seen too many occasions where some leader starts telling the congregation to be generous for some worthy cause, only to it to be revealed that the cause wasn't so worthy.  My hackles automatically go up when someone tells me I'm supposed to be generous.

However, this of course wasn't the case here, as Paul is completely legit.  The suggestion is that there has been a famine in Jerusalem, and the donations are for the believers there to get by.  However I may be aware of that and accept it, it always seems like Paul's buttering the bread quite a bit, trying to ego-stroke them into helping rather than trusting that they will be moved by the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 7

2 Corinthians 7:10

For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

God will use different tools to reach people, depending on their resistance or openness to him.  One of those tools can be sorrow, a long-term sadness.  This is designed to make us think, and realize that our sorrow is due to the lack of trust in God that He works all things for what in the end will be good for His people.

If we do not draw this lesson, sorrow can increase to the point of death.  Either you will carry the sorrow with you until you die, or perhaps you fall into depression and cause your own death.  I fear that I've taken the wrong path on some things in my life, and turned to sorrow instead of to God.

2 Corinthians 6

2 Corinthians 6:14

Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?

I always get a bit uncomfortable when verses like this come up.  I have a friend who's dating a non-believer.  I expect them to get engaged sometime soon, and that leaves me in a quandry.

He has told me that he does intend to marry her, even knowing she doesn't believe.  But how am I supposed to respond when the day comes?  I can't approve of the marriage, but he's one of my closest friends, and I like her.  So how do I thread the line between speaking Biblical truth, and giving offense that could turn her further from salvation?

2 Corinthians 5

2 Corinthians 5:9

Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him.

I read this verse, and had to pause.  I know I can say things like this, and probably do more than I can recall right now.  But do I really mean it?

Ambition is "a strong desire to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work"  according to Google.  While I want to do what's right by God, I don't really feel like it's a strong desire; more that it's a goal that seems perpetually out of reach.  And I don't really feel like I'm working very hard to get to wherever that place may be; come to think of it, it seems in several parts of my life I don't know where the goal is, either, only that it's over the horizon in a certain general direction.

2 Corinthians 4

2 Corinthians 4:2

but we have renounced the things hidden because of shame, not walking in craftiness or adulterating the word of God, but by the manifestation of truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.

Shame is a powerful emotion; I've only recently been learning about how powerful it is in my own life.  Shame has caused an emotional loop in my life for years, doing things I know are wrong because I don't feel worthy of doing what's right.  It's caused me to hide a lot of things, and find ways to sneak them in where no one notices.

However, the solution is scarier than the problem to me.  The idea of opening myself up to someone else terrifies me, as there's no one I currently trust enough to consider doing that.  The idea that seems to be stated here, to make everything completely public to all believers make me want to run the other way, and I'd frankly rather leave my church and go do it somewhere new with a bunch of relative strangers than where I am now.

2 Corinthians 3

2 Corinthians 3:5

Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God,

We like to think of ourselves as smart, reasonable, able to figure out anything.  We look at something that we have figured out, and declare how clever we are.  Given time and resources, we think we can learn everything there is to know.

However, God is beyond our understanding.  He exists on a level we cannot even perceive on our own.  As such, nothing we do will ever let us understand Him, and therefore we have no way of ever being worthy of Him.  Only He can accept us and make us worthy in any way.

2 Corinthians 2

2 Corinthians 2:11

so that no advantage would be taken of us by Satan, for we are not ignorant of his schemes.

This verse is in the context of forgiveness.  Paul appears to be saying that one reason we should forgive is to prevent Satan from using the hostility that comes from a lack of forgiveness.  We know he is dangerous and scheming to take us all down with him.

When we do not forgive, other emotions build up, like anger or resentment.  If we allow these to fester, we can't show the love Christ commands of us.  Therefore, we must forgive if we are to be the people God wants us to be, and not the ones Satan does.

I'll admit I've always had trouble figuring the line between forgiveness and disassociation.  Right now there are people I feel have done me wrong over a lot of time, and I want to forgive them.  But at the same time, I feel like I need to distance myself from them for my own good, but if I do that, does it mean I haven't really forgiven them?

2 Corinthians 1

2 Corinthians 1:4

who comforts us in all our afflictions so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

I'll admit, this one is hard for me to read right now.  I can't say I feel much comfort these days.  I've had this hurt for so long, which I've been medicating it in all the wrong ways.  Now that I'm trying to find the right way to heal, it's opened up a lot of pain again, which has really put me in a bad place emotionally.

With all this going on, I don't feel like I'm all that capable of giving comfort.  Certainly there could be things I could still do, like if someone died and I could help.  But I feel like right now the best I could do for many would be hollow platitudes, because that peace we're supposed to have is escaping me.