1 Corinthians 13

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

Well, I guess three of five isn't the worst position.  I think I'm fairly kind, I hate bragging in almost any circumstance.  I do my best not to be arrogant, though I always feel a little weird saying something like that.

However, I still have a long way to go on the other two.  My patience for some things is massive, but for my lack of relationship it is long past spent.  That's led to envy of those who have the thing I want (which I've seen translations use that term instead of jealousy, so I'm not sure which is correct).  Also, is my arrogance getting in the way of getting the help I need to overcome these issues?  I just don't know.

Maybe 3/5 is being overly optimistic...

1 Corinthians 12

1 Corinthians 12:26

And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it.

Somehow, this doesn't reassure me now as much as it used to.  As someone who feels like he has been abandoned by the body, it seems I've been left to suffer alone (if suffering is what I can call it).  It seems there's no real support out there, and certainly that others aren't feeling my pain, because no one is close enough to know the pain exists.

At the same time, I noticed the disconnect between the first and second halves of the verse.  When one suffers, that goes out to all.  However, when one is honored, it doesn't say that everyone feels honored; instead, it just says everyone rejoices, which is not nearly the same thing.

1 Corinthians 11

1 Corinthians 11:32

But when we are judged, we are disciplined by the Lord so that we will not be condemned along with the world.

I'm not certain from this passage whether we are judging ourselves, or God is judging us.  I can see it working either way.  If we are judging, we are becoming aware of our faults, and then God is acting on that newfound awareness to bring the discipline necessary to get us to correct our path.

However, our judgment can be flawed, with false positives and negatives skewing the truth.  But if God is the one judging, then He of course knows exactly what our failings are, and what discipline will be needed for us to change our ways.  I guess I just am not sure because I've always heard it preached as our own judgment of ourselves, but it doesn't quite line up in my mind.

1 Corinthians 10

1 Corinthians 10:27

If one of the unbelievers invites you and you want to go, eat anything that is set before you without asking questions for conscience' sake.

I value that Paul includes the possibility of you not wanting to go.  This could be for many reasons, and he doesn't restrict it.  Personally, there have been many occasions where I was invited, but felt like I'd be the "odd man out" and therefore passed.  Sadly, I probably didn't express myself well in many of those cases, because I rarely got another invitation.

Also, I like how Paul says not to ask probing questions.  Those kind of questions can easily be seen as adversarial, or even antagonistic.  We're not to go into a situation looking for a fight; instead, we're supposed to try and be at peace with everyone.

1 Corinthians 9

1 Corinthians 9:17

For if I do this voluntarily, I have a reward; but if against my will, I have a stewardship entrusted to me.

What constitutes voluntarily in this verse?  Is it wanting to do something on a moment-by-moment basis, where it's always your desire?  Or is it an grudging acceptance that something needs to happen, and therefore you've got to get it done?

I feel like for most of my life, I'm not doing what I want to do, just what I'm supposed to be doing.  This includes most of my work related to church.  There's no one holding a gun to my head or anything, but I can't say that I really want to be doing the work either.  Does that mean it's actually voluntary, or is it a stewardship I am obligated to complete?

1 Corinthians 8

1 Corinthians 8:10

For if someone sees you, who have knowledge, dining in an idol's temple, will not his conscience, if he is weak, be strengthened to eat things sacrificed to idols?

Growing up, we had a "rule" in my family that we didn't go out on Sundays, except to church.  We didn't go out to lunch with other people afterwards, or stop at the grocery store on the way home, or anything like that.  The explanation given was that the people doing those things meant that those stores and restaurants had to be open, and therefore people had to be working there, which prevented them from going to church.

What wasn't said was that it was my Dad's consideration that those activities were kind of violating the commandment to keep the Sabbath holy.  As I realized that growing up, it kind of put me into an uncertain position, because I also knew the principle behind this verse, and felt like Dad thought those who did go out were compromising their beliefs.  On the other hand, I knew of this verse, and could never quite figure out whether it was my dad or everyone else who had the weaker conscience; as time has gone on, I've leaned toward it being my dad, yet I still operate by the same principle in my life.

1 Corinthians 7

1 Corinthians 7:28

But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned.  Yet such will have trouble in this life, and I am trying to spare you.

I have to admit, I've been kind of dreading this chapter.  My personal struggles have always made this an uncomfortable subject, and the many differing attitudes and actions of the church don't help any.  I've felt for years like I'm viewed as a second-class Christian, and most people don't even realize they're doing it.

My personal convictions on this haven't helped matters either, as they've built a barrier between me and my desires due to my actions.  Yet this verse does give me some level of hope, as it reminds me that marriage is not a faith issue.  Some will, some won't; I want to, but haven't, and either can be acceptable as long as they're for the right reasons.

1 Corinthians 6

1 Corinthians 6:19

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?

It's so easy to desecrate your temple.  I certainly know I've done it, even if it wasn't in the visible sense.  While my temple may be in pretty good shape physically, I know that spiritually it's taken significant damage.

My personal problem is that I understand the damage I'm doing, but don't see a method of repair.  I know all the verses about God doing the cleansing, but the reason it's in such bad shape is that I just can't see Him doing it.  I may not be my own, but when you feel the lash every day, how long can one endure without striking back?

1 Corinthians 5

1 Corinthians 5:5

I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

What sin is worthy of expulsion from the body?  Obviously sleeping with your stepmother qualifies, but what else does?  Where is the threshold for a sin to be excommunicated?  It feels like this is a mighty high bar, so are there "lower" sins that should also be treated this way?

Also, what is the requirement related to expulsion?  If one sins something "terrible" (not that any sin is less serious than another), sincerely repents, but then later does the same thing again, is there a point where expulsion is called for?  Or is it only to be practiced when the sin is not repented, regardless of "severity?"

1 Corinthians 4

1 Corinthians 4:1

Let a man regard us in this manner, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God.

This is the calling of all believers, and especially leaders.  We are not actually leaders or people of authority, but rather servants of Christ.  Since Christ has rule over all, He has given us as servants a level of authority to use in the furtherance of His kingdom, but the authority is not ours independent of Him.

Similarly, we are not rulers, but stewards.  We are entrusted with a portion of God's kingdom, or His power, again to use as He has directed.  Without that decree, we have nothing, and to misuse His trust is to invite discipline.

1 Corinthians 3

1 Corinthians 3:18

Let no man deceive himself.  If any man among you thinks that he is wise in this age, he must become foolish, so that he may become wise.

Education and knowledge have always been important to me, because I believe that you can't make informed decisions unless you're aware of the situation's background.  I like to think that I am a reasoned and reasoning person most of the time, and that I make my decisions based on knowledge and analysis, not emotion and reaction.  I'll admit I have biases, but I try to account for them as much as possible, and make decisions accordingly.

As such, I often worry that I'm wise in this world, but foolish before Christ.  I've noted in this blog many times where I don't understand why something was done the way it was, or why some passage or term didn't make sense to me.  I worry that these issues are holding me back from truly being useful to God, but I honestly don't know how to change without becoming someone I wouldn't like.

1 Corinthians 2

1 Corinthians 2:6

the wisdom which none of the rulers of this age has understood; for if they had understood it they would not have crucified the Lord of glory;

Interesting phrasing here, that rulers who understood God's wisdom wouldn't have crucified Christ.  It raises some ideas for a hypothetical exercise.  What would have happened if Pilate had understood who Christ was and why He had really come?

This implies that if Pilate had understood, he would have released Christ and He never would have been crucified.  But that would mean that He never died for our sins, and therefore we would still stand condemned.  So did God arrange things so Pilate couldn't have understood?  Or did He time Christ's coming to be when he, who did not understand, would be ruling?

1 Corinthians 1

1 Corinthians 1:22

For indeed Jews ask for signs and Greeks search for wisdom

The Jews thought God meant power.  They expected someone who would stride in, whip the Romans one-handed, and throw them out so fast they'd never dare set a toe back in Israel.  Their thoughts were all about what God would do for them.

The Greeks thought God meant wisdom.  They wanted someone who could figure out the mysteries of living, make sense of the most complicated problem, and come up with a solution so elegantly simple a child would understand it.  Their thoughts were all about what God would reveal them.

Both were wrong, because they were looking for someone who would server them, rather than someone who would make it possible to serve Him.

Romans 16

Romans 16:17

Now I urge you, brethren, keep your eye on those who cause dissensions and hindrances contrary to the teaching which you learned, and turn away from them.

As the leader of a class at church, this is something that tends to sit in the back of my head, the fear that I might be leading people away from the truth.  The fact that I'm increasingly ambivalent about the church I attend doesn't help keep those concerns at rest.  I worry that in my pain, I may say something, in the moment, with all the best intentions, but lead to a bad result.

In those moments, I just have to trust that God is moving, even when I can't see it.  I have to pray that He realizes my pain and weaknesses, and He is guarding against them splashing onto others.  He can protect His people, and I have to ask that He extend that protection when it might be needed.

Romans 15

Romans 15:4

For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Interesting formula here, starting with what was written being for our instruction.  I'll admit I often have a hard time accepting that, as some things in the Old Testament don't seem to have much instruction in them.  I have trouble finding teaching in some of the poetry, or lineages, or minor information that doesn't seem to go anywhere.  But it appears I'm just not looking hard enough.

Then, we see the end-goal is to have hope, and that this is done through encouragement and perseverance.  While I feel like I spend lots of time trying to persevere, I have a lot of trouble finding encouragement.  I see the daily slog and have trouble picturing that there is anything at the end of the tunnel, except the train that will one day run me down.  The picture of what awaits in Heaven has always been artificial and elusive for me.

Romans 14

Romans 14:23

But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin.

I don't know how many debates I've had with people over the years about what sort of actions are or are not acceptable for Christians.  I tend to go into these discussions with pretty strongly-held opinions, and those opinions rarely change.  However, occasionally something does come up that makes me pause and wonder if I'm wrong.

On those occasions, sometimes it's from rational discussion of the arguments.  However, most of the time it's situational.  Either I'm in unfamiliar surroundings where I feel the pressure to fit in, or I'm with other believers who just do things differently.  On more of those cases than I like to admit, I compromise my own convictions, and afterwards I'm left wondering whether I've sinned or not.

Romans 13

Romans 13:7

Render to all what is due them:  tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.

Too many people call for overthrow or resistance of the government.  There is a portion of the church that believes that government has been taken over by Satan, and is determined to destroy them.  They believe the only way for them to survive is for the government to be "taken back" and things made right again.

The thing is, things were never really right to begin with.  All governments are corrupt to one extent or another, and none has ever truly followed God's instruction since the early days of Israel.  When we are commanded to render what is due, this included our loyalty and obedience in almost everything, even when we don't like the decisions made.

Romans 12

Romans 12:18

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.

This is one of those verses that I've tried to anchor my life around, but there were always two things about it that I've never adequately figured out.  First, what counts as peace?  Is separating from someone who you find yourself in disagreement or conflict with peace, or is it just avoidance?  If you forgive someone, but still distance yourself from him, is that peace?

Second, what do you do when it no longer depends on you?  If you've done everything you can, but the other person is still hostile, what should you do?  Is separation then acceptable?  Or does a time come when a hostile response is necessary?

Romans 11

Romans 11:14

if somehow I might move to jealousy my fellow countrymen and save some of them.

Somehow, it seems instinctively wrong to use jealousy as a motivation for people get accept salvation.  Jealousy is the feeling that you are losing something, or missing out.  Is wanting to not be left behind enough of a reason for salvation?

Apparently it is, given that Paul seems to be using it.  However, I feel sometimes that I came to faith this way, and feel like I'm missing something.  I didn't come out of gratitude for what Jesus did, or because I thought it was what was supposed to be done to honor God.  Fear as a motivation leaves me without an appropriate response to God, and that's haunted me all my spritually-understanding life.

Romans 10

Romans 10:3

For not knowing about God's righteousness and seeking to establish their own, they did not subject themselves to the righteousness of God.

I feel like this is part of a logical loop, where there's an important piece missing.  If the people didn't know about God's righteousness, how are they supposed to subject themselves to it?  As it says later in the chapter, how can one believe in something they haven't heard about?

I think the key here must be that middle section, that they wanted to establish their own righteousness.  It wasn't so much that they couldn't have heard, but that they didn't really want to hear.  They decided they wanted to go their own way, and therefore weren't interested in what anyone else had to say, not even God.